He hates to do this to himself. He really, really does. If he were in his alternate's position, clearly aware that something had happened but not knowing what - he'd be beside himself with terror. Is beside himself with terror. (But Miles needs a drink just to tell this story, dammit. The wound is so fresh still it hurts even to try and comprehend the full breadth of its effect.)

Yes or no. It's not such a hard question to answer, is it? Put himself out of his misery. "Yes," he says at last, and he looks much older than even thirty for a moment. This is a man who is utterly, totally lost. At his lowest point after his discharge, before Simon's medical issues and the resulting auditorship ... "Yes. I died. Haven't figured out how to keep living again after that."